Oh hello, Depression, is it you again?
Knocking on my mind, trying to get in? I thought I made it clear I won’t let you in anymore.
But you keep knocking and knocking until you find a way, using any weakness you can find and you take over my thinking and my heart, covering my whole being with this heavy feeling, heavy as lead.
And it burns like fire. You choke out all my joy and happiness, life becomes a grey, dark tunnel and I ache all over my body.
How can emotions hurt so much?
You make me question the purpose of my life, wanting me to not be here anymore. All I want is for this pain in my heart to stop. I don’t want to feel like this, I want to be happy and light, be creative and love life but life does not always love me. There are pressures and demands and traumas, lots and lots of traumas. I can endure some of them, fight them off, but each one provides the soil in which you grow.
You dig your teeth into my mind and you grow and grow.
Then you leave and I feel light again, letting me wonder what was so terrible just the day before? How could I have felt so low? But life is cruel and I have to fight and fight again and then, one day, my mind opens the door for you again, and you come back and continue your destructive work on me, becoming an ever growing monster. And you stay longer, longer each time, until I believe you won’t leave anymore.
You do, eventually. Still, you leave your foot in the door. One word, one action, from a person, and you kick in that door and raid
me again. Nobody around me understands it, how can I react so extreme to such little trouble?
“Don’t take it to your heart, don’t take it serious, cheer up, be positive” they say, “how can such a little spark cause such a fire?”
But they don’t know, they have not been there, they have not seen the sparks accumulate, spark after spark after spark, received over my whole lifetime. And now, one spark can set my heart into a blazing emotional fire, engulfing my chest, won’t let me sleep, rest or think.
How can I shield myself from your stranglehold? Shutting myself off? From the world and its people? No, doing that only makes you stronger. I don’t know.
All I know is that I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
I want to be happy. Please, Depression, go away.
Please, just go away.
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